The way we work is more varied than ever. Whether from home, telecommuting, part-time, shared roles, freelance, temporary – and the list goes on and on – we work in ways that engender similarly varied relationships. Protocols for how to manage these relationships have largely gone out the window and people are left to their own devices and often questionable judgment.
Then there’s social media. Facebook, LinkedIn and countless other internet sites connect us across numerous dimensions and can create a sense of commonality, familiarity and intimacy that is useful, fun, and even comforting. Co-workers are friends; we reminisce with old classmates and build virtual relationships with people we’ve never met.
Testing the boundaries of these relationships can be treacherous. A misstep can banish you to “Unfriended-land” or be reported as “spam.” I have been amazed by the gumption and just plain gall of people asking for favors or introductions.
Worse yet, in work settings, whether face-to-face or virtual, it’s best to know unspoken rules so as not to unwittingly demonstrate career-limiting behavior. Generally, asking for favors, introductions, etc. is reserved for people you know well, i.e. they return your phone calls, you talk to and see them more than once a year and you have a mobile or home phone number for them.
Here are a few guidelines to help you distinguish the nature of the relationship you are cultivating. You can know someone’s intentions by what they suggest or do. Conversely, you can set some boundaries by behaving in certain ways.
When it’s professional:
- Gifts – flowers, wine, crystal, food baskets
- Socializing – groups, restaurants, breakfast, lunch, drinks, weekday activities
- Discussion Points – work-related topics, personal headlines (marital status, number of kids, hometown, etc.); no details
When it’s personal:
- Gifts – clothing, accessories, jewelry
- Socializing – couples, one-on-one, at-home, dinner, weekend activities
- Discussion Points – feelings, finances, political and religious views, other aspects of your personal life
Follow these guidelines and you’ll know where you stand and make clear to others how you’d like to interact.